Vision is a powerful sense
There is a lot of talk about dad’s sympathy symptoms during pregnancy such as weight gain, nausea, insomnia etc. I experienced a few but for the most part my life hasn’t changed a bit. Besides maybe becoming a professional masseuse.
So how was the pregnancy for me? It was exactly the way I projected it to be in 2011 when I first I had a vision that I would marry Laura, have kids with her and live somewhere together with nice weather and a beach. Here is what I visualized:
I would still find my wife attractive even after she gained 25-30 lbs.
If the weight gain would have happened overnight, it might have been a shock to me. But funny enough, from where I am sitting, I have not “seen” the weight gain because it has been so gradual and mostly in her belly. Everything else on her body is just the same.
One thing I have noticed, which I didn't expect or perhaps it wasn't part of my initial vision, is the way she has blossomed during her pregnancy. Laura has become more calm and purpose driven which has made me love her even more.
Seriously though guys...don't you find it amazing how women’s bodies can endure such extreme changes and then somehow magically adjust back in a few weeks or months. If I was carrying a bowling ball in front of my body for 9 months, I would most likely get bitchy at everything and anything…constantly!
This is why I try my best to understand what she is going through and make sure to be as thoughtful as I possibly can. And I mean with everything...from picking up her socks off the floor to pulling her out of bed when she is struggling to move. These things may be regular efforts for me, but for her everything has become a workout.
After a few errors, I’ve also learned that whatever she needs is not to be questioned. What she wants to eat or what she wants to buy - guys don’t even go there! It is best to just say "yes honey" with a big smile and move on! This is when you finally figure out what the phrase “happy wife, happy life” means.
I would have my finances and startups in order before our first child arrived.
Over the years I would often hear advice from older people to have children early on in life. But I always imagined it differently. I envisioned I would be older before having children so I could have time to get all my "stuff" together and feel more "stable." Perhaps this is also just a male sense of accountability thing, "providing" for the family.
However, as I reflect on my life at this moment, before my son is about to enter this world, I have so many questions.
"What does being stable really mean? Will I ever be fully satisfied with where I am financially? Will I ever stop pushing myself to innovate and try new things? Doesn't all of this come with a certain amount of risk?"
So in the end, neither decision of when to have children is right or wrong, but I do believe what you visualize will inevitably happen.
I knew the connection with our child would really happen after birth.
Don't get me wrong fellas I was amazed the first time I felt our son through her belly. It is even more amazing, that he can clearly feel you and you can sort of play "high five" through the skin.
However, among all these amazing things you go through, it all still feels like virtual reality for me. It also added more questions for me than an actual connection.
"How on earth could something live in there, he must feel so claustrophobic!" "Does he have all the "bits" in place?"
Even when you can see him in 3D through a scan, it doesn’t feel real and it’s difficult to create a connection with something that is not growing inside of your own stomach. I am excited to finally meet him in a few days so I can start creating a connection with him in this world.
Your vision is a very powerful sense.
As we enter the next chapter of our lives you may be wondering what I visualize for my son. Obviously I envision that by the time he is two he will be able to speak six languages, do basic programming, beat me in chess and solve the rubric's cube in less than 30 seconds!!! Guess you will have to check back with me in two years to see how much of this actually came true!